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February 16, 2005

The Life Aquatic With James Cameron

No, I mean, it really was The Life Aquatic with James Cameron; also, it was like Armageddon

"I've never seen a biomass that large!"
--James Cameron, Aliens of the Deep

So I guess if you make a lot a lot a lot a lot of money as a relatively young man and you're not necessarily into owning a professional football team, you can do things like make a 3-D IMAX special-effects-laden "documentary" film about deep-sea exploration and the search for extraterrestrial life and cast yourself as the lead.

Such is most certainly the case regarding Aliens of the Deep, James Cameron's (relatively) new documentary now showing on IMAX screens. From the start, it's clear that the film's auteur and finacier, Mr. Cameron, is also the star of the show. After a breakneck opening title sequence, we cut to James Cameron in the high-tech control room of a ship at sea. In his best world-weary-yet-confident action-hero voice, he intones: "I'm James Cameron. Here's the deal."

He then explains "the deal." Said deal is, remarkably, not unlike the premise of Armageddon (or, if you prefer, The Core, etc et al, you get the idea). That is, he -- the tortured leader of the expedition -- assembles a ragtag team of scientists from a disarmingly diverse set of specialties for a high-tech, high-pressure trip to a dangerous and exotic world! There's the marine animal physiologist! There's the astrobiologist! There's the marine seismologist! There's the planetary scientist from SETI! And the genius behind the operation? James Cameron.

I stopped counting after the third time that James Cameron explained to the camera that he was an "explorer"; in case the point was lost on us, he later added that his exploration of the deep sea was much more exciting than any sort of silly Hollywood special effects. James Cameron doesn't just make Hollywood monster movies -- he leads humanity into the deep dark reaches of the great beyond! Perhaps the most hilarious part of it all is that he's edited the film in the style of a bug-budget sci-fi thriller, complete with a good-looking and culturally diverse cast, pathos-inspiring moments of introduction for all the characters, dorkily pithy one-liners, and a booming score. Oh right, and did I mention that the film ends with Cameron's crew making first contact with an alien race? In our own solar system?

Mercifully, this utter and complete exercise in vanity from James Cameron was redeemed by Wes Anderson's decision to release The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou a few months back. That is, there existed precisely the right vocabulary for snarky viewers to exchange sneers and giggles at the massive spectacle of James Cameron's ego. All the specific cultural signifiers of the filmmaker/ oceanographer archetype that were so expertly mocked by The Life Aquatic are present and accounted for in Aliens of the Deep: the irony-free narration from the patriarch/ leader, the wacky cast of scientists, the fetishized photography of the expensive-looking equipment, shots of faces framed by the portholes of submersibles, the jargon-heavy dialogue, the ridiculously exotic deep-sea creatures (a jaguar fish would have looked tame) -- even a bunch of dudes in speedos and a rubber dinghy checking the submersibles before they dove! Speedos! All that was missing was Seu Jorge singing David Bowie songs in Portugese on the deck!

At the same time, it would be completely disingenuous of me to say that I didn't love this movie. They charge you an extra $1.50 for the IMAX; it's more than worth it. And this one is in 3-D as well. It is flat-out amazing to have so much 3-D IMAX footage from 3500 meters (almost 11,000 feet) below sea level. There's no light that deep, so you get all sorts of creepy creatures that are able to survive without light: odd translucent phantom squid, blind little shrimp, albino crabs. It's remarkable -- like the best Discovery Channel show you've ever seen. Even James Cameron's ego is upstaged by the world he's able to show at the bottom of the ocean. And it's all in 3-D!

(Would it kill Hollywood to make more movies in IMAX 3-D? As a consumer, I'm less and less interested in the movie-theater experience. The seats are small and uncomfortable, the food costs too much, and you can't move around or talk. I need that for some freaking romantic comedy? But if we're talking about 3-D IMAX, well, that's an entirely different value proposition altogether. I'm just sayin'.)

The film loses the plot a bit when it starts speculating on the existence of extraterrestrial life. [LOOK OUT! SPOILERS TO FOLLOW! THOUGH I WOULDN'T SWEAT THEM SO MUCH; IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S A TON OF PLOT ANYWAY.] The inclusion of digitally created space missions cheapens the rest of the film -- it makes you question the veracity of what you've seen a bit, especially the imaginary aliens. But again, I can't front like I didn't like the 3-D IMAX space missions, though the film's ending is perhaps a bit much. If I had to summarize, it would go something like "James Cameron leads a ragtag group of scientists to the bottom of the ocean and the far reaches of space, where they discover that there might just be alien life in our own solar system -- alien life that looks EXACTLY like James Cameron predicted it would at the end of The Abyss!

I won't for a moment pretend I'm not jealous of James Cameron. I mean, the guy has a boatload of money -- why not become a deep-sea explorer? And why not make a movie about it and share what you've seen with the world in the most amazing and breathtaking way possible? He's the King of the World -- of course he's going to be a little high on himself. His ego doesn't make the 3-D IMAX any less spectacular. This is an amazing movie; I'm glad someone spent the money to make it.

(I would have bought a pro football team, though.)

Posted by thatkid at February 16, 2005 12:01 PM under Stuff To Buy

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