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March 16, 2005

Making Something Mean Something

In which there are ample opportunities for a semiotic discussion of the relative merits of the descriptors "self-parodic" and "caricature of itself"

Business school has been very good to me. I've learned a ton, met some great people, and feel good about my investment in the degree. At the same time, I've had more than a few shake-my-head moments at b-school, the moments when I feel really out of place, in a very I-don't-belong-here-please-tell-me-I-don't-act-like-these-people sort of way. (See also: why most people don't like people with MBAs.) On balance, I'm pretty simpatico about the whole thing -- b-school is great and I recommend it to anyone who asks, warts and all. However, there are certain things that just don't work for me. And by "just don't work for me" I mean "drive me to the verge of apoplectic seizure." Student government elections are one of said things.

In lieu of spending time probing the motivations that drive my b-school classmates to seek out positions in the student government (an exercise which surely will embarrass me more than them), I'll offer some general observations about b-school culture as a means of establishing the degree of self-parody in which the student government elections operate:

(1) It is important to understand that business school, as a general rule, is chock full of people who have never for a fleeting moment imagined that they take themselves too seriously. That is, one goes to business school with visions of a swift ascent to corporate chiefdom -- the basis of which is a conviction that you are special, chosen, and different. It's part entitlement, and part naivete, and it leads many students to believe that the rules of normal adult behavior are suspended for those of us lucky enough to make it to b-school. Mostly it means people don't realize how full of shit their imagined expertise and rinky-dink conflicts actually sound in a room full of grown-ups.

(2) It is expected that you will paper your resume with an awe-inspiring list of achievements and accomplishments (especially those that establish your always-effusive "leadership potential") in the interest of impressing potential employers. Thus, there are dozens of different clubs at the business school, each with an exhaustive roster of "officers" which in some cases outnumber the actual membership of the club. (And we wonder why American corporations seem so top-heavy!) In any case, it's tough to find people who aren't an officer in some sort of club; you sort of have to go out of your way not to be one.

With that in mind, I will offer two pieces of evidence to support the claim that there is no club or activity at my business school that is a greater caricature of itself (and really the whole b-school experience) than the student government elections. If you are looking for self-parody, you have come to the right place. Here we go:

(1) In the lobby of the business school's main building, there is a large poster (behind glass) with the photos of all the current members of the student government. It's a pretty lengthy roster, with about 15 faces and associated titles listed. Fair enough -- lots of clubs have bulletin boards (though none in the lobby) and many of said bulletin boards feature photos of the club's officers. Ah, but what those other club bulletin boards don't feature are reporting lines. That's right. Reporting lines, like in a real corporate org chart! I did a double take the first time I saw them. No, I thought. The person who put this together surely wasn't so insecure and eager to announce their power and success that they managed to actually craft an elaborate graphical cue as to precisely who is in charge of this whole Mickey-Mouse enterprise. I mean, wouldn't just listing "president" be enough? But no. There are lines. The best part (from an opportunity-to-snicker perspective) is that ALL THE LINES LEAD TO ONE PERSON. In fact, there are SO many people reporting to that one person that they don't all fit on the width of the paper (in fairness, it's portrait and not landscape view), such that a second row needed to be added and then connected to the first row before being connected to the top. But, make no mistake about it, the second row does not report to the first row -- THEY ALL REPORT TO THE PRESIDENT! (!!!) I'll admit that I haven't read the organization's charter, and so I don't understand the exact details of their duties, but I can't help but wonder in what situations it would be necessary for someone to report to someone else in the school government. To authorize additional kegs for Happy Hour? To okay the battle plan for the frontal assault on Wharton? Honestly, if you wrote the parody of business school, you couldn't come up with something that rich. Reporting lines. It's perfect.

(2) The current election cycle (for which I've received countless pleas from students and administrators alike to PLEASE VOTE, as if, I don't know, the future of the country depended on it) has produced a healthy field of candidates. I don't know any of them. I've read some of their e-mails (shockingly, I skipped the speeches) and they seem like a good-natured bunch. Some have even gone so far as to put together handy campaign web sites to explain their position on various issues (and I use that term VERY loosely -- we're talking about things like long lines in the cafeteria and whatnot). Right. This is all making sense to me: I like the web, and I like to use it to share information. Check. This all makes sense. Where I got lost was the url of one of the campaign sites. That's right. W-W-W-dot-makeitmeansomething-dot-com. Oh. My. God. I. Am. Having. A. Seizure. Make it Mean Something? Make what mean something? And what's this something it's supposed to mean? Not even the most somber and serious of causes (and here we could be in childhood-burn-victim territory) would use something so tawdry and heavy-handed. Make it mean something! Like this election is important! REALLY IMPORTANT! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? THE WINNER WILL HAVE ALL THE LINES LEADING TO THEM!!! THIS IS SERIOUS!!! I struggle to decide who should be held responsible for this. Is it his marketing professor? His friends? Register.com for selling him the domain?

Ugh. So there it is: my argument for why the student government elections are the most acutely self-parodic moment of the entire b-school experience. I dunno. Maybe it isn't like this at other schools. I want to hope so. But somehow I doubt it. At this point, I would vote for the first candidate who promised to remove the reporting lines in the poster. I really would. In the meantime, the important thing, in re: the brand value of this degree I've struggled to secure, IS THAT NO ONE ON THE OUTSIDE ACTUALLY KNOWS THIS SORT OF THING GOES ON. Then we'd really be hosed.

Posted by thatkid at March 16, 2005 6:29 PM under MBAwesome!

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