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March 30, 2005

The Return Of Landycakes

It's not just that you're lazy; you're also pretty soft!

So it's unofficial: erstwhile US Soccer Golden Boy Landon Donovan has decided to cut short his stint with Bundesliga side Bayer Leverkusen and return to Major League Soccer. The official word will apparently come after the United States national team plays Guatemala on Wednesday night.

Inasmuch as there's ever any controversy in re: an American soccer player, Landon Donovan (aka Landycakes if you're not terribly fond of him) has certainly caused something of an uproar. It won't make Sportscenter, but if you follow US Soccer, you have an opinion about young Master Donovan. And, for the most part, the headlines have not been kind. "No longer the great U.S. hope" said ESPN. The boards at BigSoccer were positively en fuego with Donovan-bashing. And US coach Bruce Arena ominously weighed in as well, threatening to remove Donovan from the US lineup. I mean, shit, even I wrote about it last fall.

So why all the playa-hatin on Landon? Wasn't this guy a big reason that the US made it to the quarterfinals of the last World Cup? In a lot of ways, Landon Donovan is carrying the weight of a generation of US Soccer fans -- our chip is on his shoulder. Though Americans have succeeded as goalkeepers in some of the world's top leagues, there has yet to be a breakthrough star who plays on the field. After the 2002 World Cup, it looked like Landon Donovan was going to be that guy. Finally, we had someone with the physical gifts, technical ability and poise to make it in any league in the world. Think we don't know how to play football in the US? Well check out Landon Donovan -- he'll show you all!

Turns out that Landon wasn't so into that plan. He had played in Europe as a teenager, with disastrous results, and had since been loaned back to MLS. MLS treated him well: he won the MLS cup (twice), got paid pretty well (though not the sort of money you can make abroad) and got his picture in all the league promo materials. Landon was the star! He got to live in his home state of California and hang out with his actress girlfriend. Life was good. Germany was not.

The thing that seems to have the folks on BigSoccer baffled is why Landon Donovan doesn't seem interested in succeeding in Europe. How could this guy be turning tail after only three months in Europe? Though he wasn't named an instant starter, he was certainly given some chances (he started Leverkusen's second-leg Champions League match against Liverpool, though he played pretty poorly and was removed after 53 minutes) and, given Leverkusen's investment in the kid, you would think they were willing to wait for him to grow into a starting role. But no, Landycakes wasn't feeling it. He wanted to come home.

Here a friend's theory is very cogent: Landon Donovan just doesn't really want to face the challenge of becoming a world-class player (the one all the American soccer fans are so desperate for him to be). In my buddy's view, this is an understandable choice; I mean, it's not like any of us are pushing ourselves to be the best in the world at anything. This guy's life is pretty good -- is it really so wrong that he wants to live close to home and hang out with his girlfriend? Who says he has to be the best at anything? Are any of us the best at anything? Of course, not wanting to be the best does mean that "my country won't call upon me when they're looking for eleven top mathematical engineers."

I think this is a pretty dead-on analysis: it's a shame he doesn't want it, but it's his choice. Sure, most people (regardless of field) would say that 23 was a wee bit early to be changing jobs for lifestyle considerations (usually these things happen in one's mid-30s and kids are involved), but if that's what he wants, godspeed. But the other implication is that we shouldn't expect to see Landon contributing too much for the national team.

Still, I think there's more to Landon's return to MLS (and recent run of bad form) at work here. Sure, I think he prefers comfort and security to hard work and Germany, but I also think the kid isn't very tough. Over the weekend, in discussing the US-Mexico rivalry, he used his most grievous and offended tone to tell ESPN interviewers that a Mexican player had once said to him (in Spanish) that he was going to "find [his] mother and kill her."

Umm, okay. That's somewhat discourteous. Oddly, I've never heard Tom Brady complain about foul language from defensive tackles. In fact, I've definitely heard worse than that in my rinky-dink rec league. Hell, I'm pretty sure I've said worse than that myself. I mean, abusive language, Landon? Are you serious? And your comments after the Mexico match about wanting to "crush" Guatemala? Who are you trying to fool? These were empty threats and posturing. At best.

But I guess that's why they call him Landycakes. The thing is, he just doesn't want it, and doesn't look like he's going to want it more any time soon. Luckily for US Soccer fans, all is not lost in the quest for a breakthrough field player in Europe. DaMarcus Beasley is having a strong season for PSV. Benfica (and others) are interested in young US striker Eddie Johnson. Freddy Adu apparently spent the winter in the weight room getting stronger. Jonathan Spector has gotten spots of time with Man U. And people like Eddie Gaven are waiting in the wings at home. The American crossover star is coming, but it's not going to be Landycakes. It looks like Bruce Arena understands this -- let's just hope that he never again lets Landon Donovan wear the captain's armband for the United States. We can do better.

Posted by thatkid at March 30, 2005 4:33 PM under Sports

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