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April 20, 2005

Habemvs Papem!

He likes it when you call him "Big Papa"

And we have a new Pope!

If 12 years of Catholic school taught me anything, it's that it is definitely not my place to comment on the larger questions of spirituality and religion. There are plenty of REALLY smart folks who, over the course of the past few thousand years, have devoted considerable time, energy, and effort to the task of discerning the presence and role of a spiritual element in the human experience. Unless you've got your act pretty together (and are exquisitely careful with your language and word choice), you shouldn't be too vocal in re: God.

All that said, I do feel more than empowered to comment on the media coverage of religion, as well as the general proceedings from Rome as presented on television the past few days, especially since this is my religion (just me and 1,099,999 other people!) that the cable news blathermonkeys are braying about. Some quick hits from the past 24 hours:

Awesome Name Choice: while the blathermonkeys were shamelessly speculating in re: the "meaning" of Benedict XVI, I was appreciating just how papal it sounded. I mean, "Benedict" is pretty medieval sounding on its own (my immediate associations are Friar-Tuck-looking monks), but the "XVI" is what really seals the deal. The whole John Paul I and II thing was a little Johnny-Come-Lately -- but being the sixteenth dude to pick Benedict? That's old school.

The Roman Numerals: speaking of old school, the Roman numerals in the Pope names are just spectacular. As utterly silly and presumptuous as they seem when attached to a particular Super Bowl (and I say that as someone who adores NFL football), that's how absolutely classy and powerful they seem when attached to the name of a Pope. Also, it is the "Roman" Catholic Church -- that's their own IP we're talking about here. And say what we will about the marketing strength of the NFL and the power of the NFL brands, those folks ain't got nothing on the Church from a sales, marketing, and brand management perspective. Nothing. It's the little touches, like the Roman numerals, that really set our Church apart.

Stop Calling Him A Nazi: and speaking of brands, the blathermonkeys just couldn't help themselves from using the word Nazi about a million times last night. The thing is, when you hear someone's name and the words "Nazi" or "Hitler Youth" in the same sentence, you don't usually listen for an explanation. And, in all fairness, as far as "worst global brands of the 20th century" go, Nazi and Hitler Youth are puh-retty high on the list. Yet without going too much into it (not my place), I'm pretty confident that this guy wasn't in the genocide business. It's not like this was a secret either -- this isn't Gennifer Flowers we're talking about or Dubya's drug problem -- people have known this his entire life. Like everyone else in Germany at that time, he kind of "had to" join the Hitler Youth in order to "go to school." Enough with the scare tactics and alarmism. (Note that this also applies to folks who don't seem to trust that the man is German. Errr, no. You're not allowed to say that, and I don't care how many world wars they started last century -- we've moved on.)

This is just like grade school!: wow, I don't think I've ever seen that many nuns and priests on TV at once. Most of the hosts didn't know what to do with them, with the obvious exception of Chris Matthews, who, if anything, should have been identified on screen last night with the caption, "Went to Catholic School."

That Would Be THE Sistine Chapel: back on the old-school/ brand marketing tip, another thing I can't say enough about is the fact that when the Church chooses a new Pope, they use the Sistene Chapel as a conference room. (!!!!!) Whoa. Global financial services firms might buy a lot of nice artwork for their lobbies, etc etc, but using the Sistine Chapel as a conference room? Such are spoils of running Europe for the past few hundred years.

Oddest Man-On-The-Street Interview: some CNN blathermonkey was interviewing folks in St. Peter's Square yesterday afternoon. Mostly softball stuff, of the How Does It Make You Feel Variety. Over the course of the afternoon, this guy spoke with a few lower-level members of the Catholic clergy, one of whom (a young priest studying in Rome) offered that he was "just talking" with the Vatican's "Chief Exorcist" who told him that the "demons" are still "very afraid" of Pope John Paul II, and that "his spirit" is still very "powerful." I had NO IDEA what to do with that. (Neither did the blathermonkey.) I mean, I suppose I like to forget that demonic possession is still a part of official Church doctrine, but to drop the title of "Chief Exorcist" on national TV, I mean, wow. How do you get to be Chief Exorcist? Do you think the Chief Exorcist has an e-mail address? A blog? And just when I start to feel really cynical, I remember that I'm also in the religion that believes in transubstantiation at every single celebration of the Mass -- that we believe that we eat the body and blood of Christ (not symbolically, literally) at every Mass.

And that's when I know it's time to stop writing. Please send me an e-mail if any part of this is blasphemous; I'd prefer to not go to Hell.

Posted by thatkid at April 20, 2005 6:16 PM under The Papers

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