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December 26, 2006
T.O.: Double-Agent!
Turns out T.O. was working for the Eagles all along!
My my my.
I really can't imagine how the Eagles - Cowboys game on Christmas Day could have gone any better. The Eagles didn't just win -- they methodically humiliated the Cowboys, in Texas Stadium, on national television, and T.O. was mostly inconsequential. I expected some sort of high-scoring back-and-forth affair of the 31-28 variety that the Eagles had at least a fighting chance to win. I didn't expect that the Birds would hog the ball and shove the Cowboys down the field four yards at a time, essentially ending the game midway through the second half. It's like the Eagles have turned into the Steelers and are just going to use their dumpster-sized offensive line to shove people down the field. And I really can't say enough about how pleasant that is to watch.
On the other side of the ball, well, I guess the Eagles figured out how to tackle people? Or at least have mastered those tackling techniques necessary to knock over NFC-based running backs? The Birds are getting pressure on the quarterback, and it's suddenly a lot harder for other teams to run for six yards a carry. All that said, you wonder how different the last couple weeks might have gone had Lito Sheppard not picked off that pass against Carolina a month ago.
But let us now dwell on these details. Sometimes the ball bounces your way, sometimes it doesn't. The boys at Football Outsiders have been insisting that the Eagles are a good team all season, and it looks like they're more right than they are wrong. We'll take the good bounces in return for the ridiculous Giants game from Week 2 and that 62-yard field goal in Tampa. Fair is fair.
Still, in digesting the media coverage of last night's Eagles - Cowboys game, I can't believe that none of the so-called professional journalists have figured out the hidden key to this game: Terrell Owens engineered this victory for the Eagles! Last year we thought that T.O. was trying to destroy the Eagles; turns out he and Andy Reid had conspired to create the illusion of a conflict in order to seduce Jerry Jones into signing T.O. Once inside the Cowboys organization, T.O. would work to slowly erode team chemistry culminating in a final failure on Christmas night -- effectively destroying the Cowboys from within!
You say I'm crazy? Why, then, did T.O. spend Sunday night "hanging out" with members of the Eagles team? They weren't playing dominoes, they were going over the details of when he would drop passes and rehearsing his post-game complaints about the design of the offense!
And it's been going on all season! The Lance Armstrong jersey at training camp? The fake children's book? The league-leading number of dropped passes? Please. This was all part of Andy Reid's master plan. You don't really think any sort of rational adult human being would behave like that!
And of course there was the fake suicide attempt and subsequent P.R. extravaganza at mid-season, which, truth be told, almost blew the cover off the whole thing. Silly Donovan McNabb publicly admitted that he had sent T.O. a text message offering his support, and forced T.O. to deny receipt of the message -- the better to avoid any sort of suspicion that this was an inside job.
But nothing topped Christmas night: conceding the division lead to the Eagles, dropping balls, and prompting both Terry Glenn and Owner Jerry Jones to fire off chemistry-killing salvos. Right now, Bill Parcells' arteries are constricting in horror, and the Cowboys are heading towards a road game on Wild Card weekend.
And here I thought Andy Reid had lost his touch. Nope. Not only has he decided to run the ball more, but his master plan for destroying the Cowboys has worked to perfection. Far from having lost the locker room, it turns out Andy Reid is actually just a big Mormon subterfuge machine!
(Also, it actually looks like the Eagles won't be coming to C@L after all -- because they have a great shot at winning the division and hosting a playoff game at the Linc? Err, I got nothing for you on that.)
Go Birds.
Posted by thatkid at December 26, 2006 9:23 PM under
Philly
, Sports
, The Papers
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