ThatKidInTheCorner

« January 2007 | Main | March 2007 »

February 28, 2007

Rejoining The Bedded Classes

In which I tuck my air mattress into its travel bag and buy a proper bed

So I decided to move back in.

Since the recent unpleasantness with the bedbugs, I've been sleeping on an air mattress. I just couldn't bring myself to buy another mattress only to have to throw it away should the bedbugs start offering enlistment bonuses to new recruits. Then, a little over a week ago, I got a relatively clean bill of health from the exterminator. I ordered these special (allegedly bedbug proof) mattress covers, and bought myself a bed.

It's worth noting that in an otherwise monochromatic and/ or sleeting C@L day (my soccer game out at Marymoor in Redmond ended early on account of snow), the sun was out for about 30 minutes. And during those 30 minutes, I was able to assemble my new bed. I'm taking that as a good sign.

It's also worth noting that I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond after work and had to buy bedding. At the risk of overstating the cliched nature of my bachelorhood, "buying bedding" is not a task at which I excel. Still, I think it went well.

And while I'm indulging myself, let's print some photos of sandwiches. This first one is what I had for lunch waiting for the mattress dudes (of interest: the one delivery guy glanced at my decor and asked if I was an Eagles fan; he later noted that "only people from the East Coast tip"):

And this little fellow is what I put together for dinner (I had defrosted the meatballs earlier in the week):

What can I say, I'm celebrating.

(I didn't even mention that I was watching the second half of the first Eagles-Cowboys game on the DVR in HD while I typed this. Yes, I still have that saved.)

Posted by thatkid at 11:50 PM | Comments (0)

February 25, 2007

PES 2007 Release Review Meeting Summary

See below for a leaked transcript from the Konami corporation's game development division; I did the translation from the Japanese myself!

The following is the transcript of the final release review meeting for Pro Evolution Soccer 2007 (the artist formerly known as "Winning Eleven Soccer") on Xbox 360. The speakers are the product manager ("ProdMgr") and the development lead ("DevLead") for Pro Evolution Soccer. The Konami Corporation has not authorized the release of this document, but I thought it was important to share it:

ProdMgr: Good to see everyone this morning. Do we have the call set up? Yes? Hello? Oh. Hi. Yes, we're here. About to get started. So. Right. Let's begin. The release date is coming soon, and our last progress update made a lot of people anxious. Where are we with the latest build?

DevLead: Yeah, we're almost there.

ProdMgr: Okay. So what does almost there mean?

DevLead: It means we should hit our date.

No more F.C. Camena in there ProdMgr: Should?

DevLead: Yeah, barring any unforseen illnesses or power outtages and whatnot. Nothing is ever really certain.

ProdMgr: Right, right. Well, that's some great news. The last time we spoke, it sounded a little bit grim. I guess you guys really got it done!

DevLead: Well, yeah...

ProdMgr: ...I'm super excited to hear it!

DevLead: Well, again, about that.

ProdMgr: Yeah?

DevLead: Yeah. So in order to hit the date, we've had to cut a few features.

ProdMgr: Wait. What?

DevLead: I said, in order to hit the date and to complete all the work to get the thing ported to the Xbox 360 -- which was a gigantic pain in the ass, I might add -- we needed to cut some of the non-essential features.

ProdMgr: Whoa, what do you mean "non-essential"?

DevLead: Oh, you know, some of the really obscure features that not many users were really interested in anyway.

ProdMgr: Please tell me you didn't touch the gameplay.

DevLead: No, we didn't. As discussed, all the gameplay improvements were implemented.

ProdMgr: Whew. Well that's a relief. You know, the beta tests we did on the gameplay went really well. Especially the improved physics with the bodies.

DevLead: Yes.

ProdMgr: Okay, so we didn't cut any of that. That's good. What did we cut then?

DevLead: You know, some minor stuff.

ProdMgr: Okay, minor stuff like what?

DevLead: Well, we had to scale back the XBox Live parts.

ProdMgr: Really?

DevLead: Yeah.

ProdMgr: Well that's not good. How back does scaled back mean?

DevLead: We had to cut the online co-op play.

ProdMgr: ...

DevLead: It just would have been too much to get in given the dates.

ProdMgr: So now people can't play with their friends online?

DevLead: I mean, they can play against their friends...

ProdMgr: But I thought we would get the online co-op. You told me we would. People are expecting that.

DevLead: What can I tell you.

ProdMgr: More people log in to Xbox Live every night than watch all of network TV combined, and you cut back the Xbox Live features?

DevLead: Look, we only had so many resources. I told you we needed more devs.

ProdMgr: Fine. What else.

DevLead: We had to pull back a little on the customization.

ProdMgr: Okay...how much?

DevLead: A lot.

ProdMgr: Enough with the vagueness -- what's missing?

DevLead: You can't edit the teams.

ProdMgr: At all?

DevLead: At all. You can still edit the players, though.

ProdMgr: But not the teams?

DevLead: Nope.

ProdMgr: Ummm, but we've supported that in every previous version.

DevLead: Well, it was a lot of work to port it over.

ProdMgr: So you just cut it?

DevLead: Oh please. If anything, it should take some of the heat off the legal team -- we're making it harder for the users to fake the teams that we haven't paid the licensing on.

ProdMgr: But the personalization features are a core part of the whole franchise! People love to change the names of the teams, and the badges, and the uniforms. Seriously -- there are web sites devoted to it!

DevLead: Oh right. I saw the focus group results -- no one even knows that those features are in there! So a couple dweebs really get off on making custom uniforms for their imaginary soccer teams and then putting them on their geektastic web sites, big whup.

ProdMgr: Those dweebs are our core customers! Those geekstastic web sites are the backbone of our user community! Remember, we're a big fat number two in the US!

DevLead: Meh, whatever. We're still the biggest franchise globally -- with the people who actually know something about football.

ProdMgr: I appreciate that, I do. And I know you guys have been working hard, but personalizing the teams is an important feature.

DevLead: What can I tell you, it was either that or skimp on the gameplay.

ProdMgr: Really?

DevLead: Really.

ProdMgr: Will you bring the edit features back next year?

DevLead: We'll consider it. Depending on how many devs you get me.

ProdMgr: We'll talk about it during budgeting.

DevLead: Sounds good.

ProdMgr: Well, we're almost out of time -- just one more question for you.

DevLead: Shoot.

ProdMgr: Does it still do the thing where the computer opponent scores cheapo goals off set pieces in stoppage time to keep your team from getting promoted?

DevLead: Oh yeah.

ProdMgr: That's all I wanted to hear. Nice work, boys.

Posted by thatkid at 8:26 PM | Comments (0)

February 20, 2007

Failure To Deliver? Or Flowers That Disappear?

Why I won't ever be ordering flowers from FTD.com again. Ever. Again.

File this one under "Grumble comma grumble."

So you figure that a nationwide network of florists complete with a major e-commerce presence and a heavy Valentine's Day marketing push would be able to deliver flowers in New York City if you give them two days lead time? Right? If they're sending me e-mails with attractive offers and they have a well-recognized brand name and they're telling me they can make me a hero on Valentine's Day, you think they could sort it out? I can understand if it was some fly-by-night organization or if I needed some sort of exotic and/ or rare flowers, or even if I had called them the morning of Valentine's Day. That raises the degree of difficulty somewhat. Fair enough. But two days notice for roses? That should be well within their capabilities.

Not so much.

Let me now relate my tale of woe in re: the failures and inadequacies of FTD and their wild failure to meet the terms of my order placed on February 12, 2007. FTD, I am staring at you disdainfully! Absorb my disdain!

I ordered Monday morning in response to a well-timed promotional e-mail. Do I need flowers for Valentine's Day? I sure do. Order submitted by 11 am Monday, well ahead of the Wednesday Valentine's Day rush. Not exactly a week in advance, but certainly plenty of time for them to fulfill the order. I was actually pretty proud of myself. I had a card (check), had ordered flowers ahead of time (check), and even sprung for the upsell roses (you mean you don't care enough to spend an extra $30?), a product I purchased despite being fully aware that there was likely no additional value to justify the price premium I was paying (other than FTD's marketing department taking advantage of the holiday and the presumptive guilt of their customers). I clicked "valentine's day flowers" on my task list, and went on with my week.

Wednesday rolls around. No word on any sort of deliveries. I drop some casual hints to my significant other in re: were there any deliveries at the office? (Smooth and subtle, as always.) So she figures out that flowers are likely on their way. The afternoon drags on. Still no flowers. She had places to be, so she eventually splits. Still no flowers. She even calls her secretary at 7:30 to see if anything showed up. Nothing.

Meanwhile, I'm calling and e-mailing FTD to find out what in the hell was going on. Calling proved especially futile; according to the recording, I didn't even have the option to wait on hold for a customer service rep. They just said that "due to unusually high call volumes, we are unable to connect you with a service representative" before dumping me back into the main menu and suggesting that I visit their web site at double you-double you-double you-dot-eff-tee-dee-dot-com. So I send a couple e-mails through their online form (and am particularly proud of myself for closing each mail with "I will have minimal patience for obfuscation and/ or excuses") and demand my money back.

Wednesday passes. No flowers, no word from FTD.com. Nothing. I'm looking like a very lousy significant other.

Thursday passes. Still nothing. Oh wait. Not exactly nothing. If the customer service department was still a little swamped, their outbound e-mail marketing program/ vendor was in fine form. In fact, they actually sent me a deliciously ironic promotional e-mail that afternoon, asking me if I "forgot Valentine's Day" and promising deep discounts on leftover flowers.

Ummm, no comma jerkfaces. I didn't forget Valentine's Day; you jokers did.

Finally on Friday I received a customer service reply to my complaint. They apologize for missing the delivery and asked if I would take delivery that day; they would even throw in some extra flowers.

Wrong again, FTD! I would like all of my money back, stat. So I call the customer service number in the mail (there was no reply-to address), expecting to yell at some hopeless soul in a windowless call center on the subcontinent. I suppose I could have followed through with said yelling had the recording not scared me off with a very intimidating "estimated 60 minutes of wait time." Sixty minutes? Fine, I'll send another flame mail (which, after a fashion, also included my now-signature "I will have minimal patience for obfuscation and/ or excuses" line) in which I refuse their offer, demand my money back, and assure them that I'll never shop with them again.

The weekend passes. Nothing. Though I do receive two (2) additional promotional e-mails from FTD.com. This is me shaking my head ruefully.

Finally, on Tuesday morning (that would be today), they finally reply. I'm getting my money back, plus an additional (wait for it) fifteen whole American dollars in FTD.com credit for my troubles! Oh, they are but so generous!

As some chastising friends reminded me on Saturday night, I should have just called a local florist. Yup. That's what I'll do next time.

Note: been a little radio silent of late. Lots going on here, but I should have a few more posts in the next couple days. Might be some other changes as well. We shall see.

Posted by thatkid at 12:23 PM | Comments (2)

February 10, 2007

That Time I Lost Three Balls Playing Mini-Golf In Palm Springs

This was one of those weeks where I reflected on why I am an idiot for not living in a warmer climate/ Southern California

So I didn't realize how desperately I needed a vacation/ trip to someplace warm and sunny until I stepped off the plane in Palm Springs earlier this week. This winter hasn't been particularly oppressive in C@L, freakish snow- and/ or windstorms notwithstanding. We had a couple cold spells, but the sun has been more involved than it was last year, and the rain hasn't been as consistently dull.

Still, stepping out into the evening desert air at Palm Springs/ Playstation Portable (PSP) airport was a shock. Just the smell of the air was enough to convince me that I was someplace warm and friendly. Wow. Jackets would not be required. And when I saw the sun the next morning, it got that much better. Warm is good.

For the record, we weren't actually staying in Palm Springs. We were in Palm Desert, which was a decidedly more sincere and appropriate name for this odd outpost that was, by all accounts, smack in the middle of a desert. And I mean a real desert, with sand dunes and all that. Hmmm. Let us not reflect on the ecological catastrophe...I mean, engineering marvel that is required to keep that place watered and running, including but not limitied to the golf courses at the resort where we stayed.

The trip was a work-related junket, and a relatively busy one at that. So while we didn't have time for an actual round of golf, we managed to sneak in a quick round of mini-golf. The mini-golf course was pretty legit, in that (a) it was actual grass, (b) instead of windmills and oversized clowns it featured significant dips and bumps, and (c) the guy at the pro shop made us take extra balls "in case we lost one."

In case we lost one? At the mini-golf course? How in the hell was that going to happen? The guy insisted that we'd need them. I scoffed a little bit at him, but dutifully took my three beat-up range balls and headed out to the course.

The first couple holes were pretty mellow, and I remained pretty baffled about the extra balls thing. It was a treat to be playing mini-golf (if only because it meant I was outside in the sun), though, so I wasn't complaining.

Then came the fourth hole. Turns out the dude at the pro shop knew his biznass.

The first three people in the group stuck our first shots in the water; the fourth avoided it by essentially whacking his ball off the putting green. That's right. Three of us -- in a row -- hit the exact same shot into the damn pond. In all fairness, the way the green was banked, there was really no way to avoid it. If you tried to hit the ball along the green, your shot was rolling into the pond. The dude at the pro shop was right. Also, it looked like we weren't the first ones to stick a ball in said pond:

Of course, I have no real excuse for the next two balls I lost: I stuck another one in a pond and thumped the third one into the parking lot (mericfully not striking any parked cars) in a moment of general ramminess near the end of the round. Those were on me.

In summary, tip of the cap to Palm Springs and its goofy mini-golf courses. Also, I need to get me to sunshine more often in these dark winter months.

Posted by thatkid at 4:22 PM | Comments (0)

February 4, 2007

Everything But The Game (And Also The Game)

It's not like I'm not going to make a Super Bowl pick; also, a lot of stuff actually went down in and around the Birds this week

And here I thought football season was over.

Generally speaking, once the Eagles are done, my interest in the rest of football tends to flag a bit. Sure, I'll watch the other playoff game/ Super Bowl (I might even have multi-paragraph opinions about some of said games), but it's not exactly the same. Consuming all the NFL-related media just doesn't have the same juice when your team isn't in it.

This year, though, was completely different, thanks to the NFL Network.

As if the consistently outstanding America's Game (according to their site: "The most ambitious and all-encompassing project in NFL Films history") series wasn't enough (there was a new one every day this week as they counted down to the best Super Bowl team of all time), NFL Network was also showing old Super Bowls in their entirety. I used to have to go to the Museum of Television and Radio for that! That was pretty much all I watched on television this week. I know I shouldn't gloat about the NFL Network for those who don't have it, but it was great stuff all week.

Since the Birds beat the G-Men in the playoffs this year, I'll throw my Giant-fan friends a bone with this clip (it includes Lawrence Taylor admitting he "had had a couple beers" -- better watch before the NFL pulls it down!):

More football:

I'm The Decider!: Dunuhvin showed up at Super Bowl week, apparently limping pretty badly, and tried to convince us that everything is fine, though he isn't sure if it worked. Dude, I'm a little worried about Dunuhvin. He needs to stop talking about how he's the leader of the team. Dudes who are actually leaders don't talk about how they're the leader. Everyone just knows. That's why they're the leader. Ugh. This does not bode well. Dunuhvin, be less crazy! Just don't listen to the people in Philly! They're crazy and disgusting! But it's nice to hear you hugged it out with TO.

So Ironic It's Creepy: tough week at the Reid household: two kids involved in two separate accidents, drugs in the cars, a police search of the entire Reid house which turned up weapons, and a bunch of charmers like these in the papers:

The suspect, now believed to be Britt Reid, was driving a black SUV, the other motorist said. The argument was over who was in the proper lane, he reported, and at one point the SUV driver got out and walked toward his vehicle before retreating.

"The white male then sat down in the driver's seat and he proceeded to reach behind the front passenger's seat and pull out a platinum-colored handgun," a police affidavit said. "The white male then pointed the handgun directly at the victim and smiled" before heading south on Matsonford Road toward the Blue Route.

...and...

In Reid's vehicle, the affidavit said, police saw "a triple beam scale commonly used in drug trafficking," ammunition and a pellet gun.

Officers patted Reid down and found a knife, two uncapped used hypodermic syringes, cotton balls, adhesive tape, prep swabs, a spoon and scissors.

Yikes. The irony is that the Eagles as a team have been pretty lucky with the law during the Reid administraion -- especially when you consider what the Bengals, Chargers, and Bears have been up to this year. Andy Reid seems to run a pretty tight ship at the office, but, um, well, uh, yeah, I guess he's not around so much at home. But that's the thing with the NFL coaches -- all you hear is how they live at the office and never sleep. Doesn't leave much time for family. And let's not even begin to psychoanalyze the whole thing ("Take that, Mr. Perfect! I guess you're not so perfect now! How you going to explain that on Monday! It's all your fault, Dad! I hope you're happy! Time's yours, Dad! I hate you!"). From an Eagles perspective, at least it'll take the heat off Dunuhvin for a while.

Who I Like In The Big Game: seven points, huh. That seems like a lot. So I'm definitely rooting for the Bears tomorrow, and if I had to wager, I'd go with the Bears. Check. But can they actually win? Can they topple the NFL/ Sprint/ Mastercard/ Gatorade hype machine and humiliate Peyton Manning in his moment of alleged triumph? I don't think it's out of the question. The Bears are better than the Colts in two of the three phases of the game. Urlacher is a beast in the middle of the field against the pass -- Manning won't be able to find Dallas Clark and the crossing routes like he's used to. And you can count on the Bears forcing a couple turnovers. So.

(We might also add that the Bears can win the game in the first quarter if they're willing to trade their class and fifteen yards for a shot at Manning's knee. Don't act like it doesn't happen. I think Lovie Smith is too good for the KillShot, though.)

The problem with the Bears is their frightened quarterback. The Bears need to hypnotize him into thinking he's John Elway. Just keep chucking deep balls. You Da Man, Rex! Don't throw intermediate routes; the Colts will steal those. He just needs to not be terrible tomorrow. Just don't stink, and your team might win.

I don't really know if the Bears will win, but I think it'll be a close game. I like the idea off the Bears offensive line controlling the tempo of this game. I like the idea of both team struggling to pass the ball; I'm putting the over/ under for total INTs from both QBs at 3.5. I've got a vibe on this being like the Pats-Panthers Super Bowl...tentative until halftime, and then all hell breaks loose. And while I think the Bears can smack the Colts in the mouth a little, but I think the Gods owe Tony Dungy: Colts 30, Bears 24.

Posted by thatkid at 12:54 PM | Comments (0)

February 3, 2007

Sonics Lose, Bulls Gawk At Dance Team

And here I thought I was going to complain about Ray Allen getting snubbed for the All-Star Team

I expected that today's post-Sonics-game post would be go roughly like this: Ray Allen got totally screwed out of the All-Star game because he's not flashy enough and, as a result, I am beginning to believe that the national sporting press really does have a big-market bias and that no one cares about C@L and the Pacific Northwest. I would emphasize my point by pointing to his stats over the past month: 30.4 ppg in the month of January (26.7 ppg for the season) on 49 percent shooting, 42.3 percent from three, and 4.8 assists per game. I would say that it's all the more impressive in the context of Rashard Lewis's absence and the fact that other teams realize that Ray is going to take pretty much all of the shots in the fourth quarter (he's been torching people regardless). And I would complete the story by discussing the huge game that Ray had against the Bulls -- just to prove the doubters wrong.

It didn't really go like that.

Ray had 29 against the Bulls, but it was on 28 shots (9 for 28 for the game), and he really couldn't get anything going in the fourth quarter. I thought his new orange shoes (below) would give him special powers, but it didn't so much work out. The Sonics lost, and they went relatively quietly.

Tip of the cap to Kirk Hinrich (star of both my imaginary basketball teams, The C@L SoonToBeOkies, and Bobby Porntastico, respectively), who was up in Ray's grill all day and clearly had him him off his game. While it's always charming to check out one of your imaginary basketball dudes in person, I would have preferred if Hinrich would have been less effective at playing great defense off the ball, since it (a) is pretty much the reason the Supes lost and (b) you don't get any imaginary basketball points for fighting through double screens.

So instead of talking about the game (which was mostly unremarkable), I'm going to make fun of the Bulls. You know how people complain that sometimes NBA players don't seem to be completely focused on the game -- even when they're playing? Right. So there's a timeout midway through the fourth quarter, which means a TV timeout and some on-court interlude entertainment. In this case, the Sonics Dance Team. And instead of huddling to talk about basketball, the Bulls opt to just shamelessly stare at the Dance Team:

For the avoidance of doubt, I got a closeup as well:

You just can't teach leering like that.

Sonics attendance record: 7-4.

Posted by thatkid at 6:51 PM | Comments (0)

February 2, 2007

Thusday Night Karaoke in C@L

Quick hits on the karaoke scene last night at Ozzie's in Queen Anne

I dragged my tired, lousy, out-of-shape ass to Ozzie's in Lower Queen Anne ("The LQA" to the locals, errr, or just me) last night to join some friends for karaoke and some drinks. (I mention the tired/ lousy/ out-of-shape thing because I met them immediately following a soccer game, a game which confirmed that I'm not quite match fit.) Good times at Ozzie's, as always. That's the thing about the karaoke -- even if you're not really in the mood for it, you can trust that 60 percent of the people in the joint definitely are. That is, even if you're cold, tired, and semi-cross from having run around a semi-frozen field in a losing effort against the team you like least in your co-rec soccer league, going to karaoke will brighten your mood. And why not: it's a party! People are drinking and singing -- tough not to smile and start drinking and singing along.

What you need to know about last night's sojourn to Ozzie's:

American Idol Impact: I can only imagine that the success of American Idol has increased nationwide interest in karaoke. This is only a theory, but I think it's pretty safe to say that more people are excited about trying out their chops in public as a result of American Idol -- it just might be their first step on the way to greatness! (Uh huh.)

Ozzie's + Thursday = Bachelorette Party: a buddy was joking that the bachelorette party usually rolls in between 10:30 and 11. That is, a Thursday does not pass without the appearance of a bachelorette party at Ozzie's karaoke. Well, he was only half right -- they showed up, but not until 11:20. Sigh. Oh so predictable. There they were, spraying their phermones and making a scene. Said appearance led me to give the speech where I compare and contrast the bachelor party and the bachelorette party (it's an important component of my ongoing lecture series "What I Think About Stuff"). I would summarize it here, but it's not very friendly and might lead people to think I was insensitive! And we couldn't have that! Also, it's worth noting that the pack of bottom-feeding 24-year-old single dudes were on the bachelorette party WITHIN MINUTES of their arrival. Two of said dudes were wearing aviator shades indoors. Kids today.

Worst Beastie Boys-related moment of the evening: one of the dudes in our group got up to do "Fight For Your Right To Party." Okay, cool enough -- it's a simple song, everyone can shout the words, should be fun. Only once he got up there, it was immediately evident that he didn't actually know the song. I don't mean "he didn't have it memorized," I mean "he had no idea how it went." What are you thinking? You can get away with this if it's an obscure song that the crowd doesn't know, but "Fight For Your Right"? Who doesn't know that? And if you don't know it, why pick it? This led to a scenario where the crowd was actually singing the song correctly and he was consistently off by half a measure. Also, he was shouting. And I don't think it was on purpose. At least our table thought it was funny.

Best Beastie Boys-related moment of the evening: the two emcees from Ozzie's gave the performance of the evening on "Get It Together," which ironically followed "Fight For Your Right" by about five minutes. "Get It Together" is one of those songs (a) to which I know 95 percent of the words and (b) I absolutely adore shouting (also in this category is "Ruby Soho" by Rancid, which they were playing as an interlude between songs). The house emcees -- a guy and girl -- totally knocked it out of the park on "Get It Together," alternating verses, staggering their breathing to nail the really long wordy parts, and even adding little sound effects and giggles where appropriate. Made the whole night.

Like she's the cheese and I'm the macaroni(!).

Posted by thatkid at 11:07 AM | Comments (1)