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February 20, 2007

Failure To Deliver? Or Flowers That Disappear?

Why I won't ever be ordering flowers from FTD.com again. Ever. Again.

File this one under "Grumble comma grumble."

So you figure that a nationwide network of florists complete with a major e-commerce presence and a heavy Valentine's Day marketing push would be able to deliver flowers in New York City if you give them two days lead time? Right? If they're sending me e-mails with attractive offers and they have a well-recognized brand name and they're telling me they can make me a hero on Valentine's Day, you think they could sort it out? I can understand if it was some fly-by-night organization or if I needed some sort of exotic and/ or rare flowers, or even if I had called them the morning of Valentine's Day. That raises the degree of difficulty somewhat. Fair enough. But two days notice for roses? That should be well within their capabilities.

Not so much.

Let me now relate my tale of woe in re: the failures and inadequacies of FTD and their wild failure to meet the terms of my order placed on February 12, 2007. FTD, I am staring at you disdainfully! Absorb my disdain!

I ordered Monday morning in response to a well-timed promotional e-mail. Do I need flowers for Valentine's Day? I sure do. Order submitted by 11 am Monday, well ahead of the Wednesday Valentine's Day rush. Not exactly a week in advance, but certainly plenty of time for them to fulfill the order. I was actually pretty proud of myself. I had a card (check), had ordered flowers ahead of time (check), and even sprung for the upsell roses (you mean you don't care enough to spend an extra $30?), a product I purchased despite being fully aware that there was likely no additional value to justify the price premium I was paying (other than FTD's marketing department taking advantage of the holiday and the presumptive guilt of their customers). I clicked "valentine's day flowers" on my task list, and went on with my week.

Wednesday rolls around. No word on any sort of deliveries. I drop some casual hints to my significant other in re: were there any deliveries at the office? (Smooth and subtle, as always.) So she figures out that flowers are likely on their way. The afternoon drags on. Still no flowers. She had places to be, so she eventually splits. Still no flowers. She even calls her secretary at 7:30 to see if anything showed up. Nothing.

Meanwhile, I'm calling and e-mailing FTD to find out what in the hell was going on. Calling proved especially futile; according to the recording, I didn't even have the option to wait on hold for a customer service rep. They just said that "due to unusually high call volumes, we are unable to connect you with a service representative" before dumping me back into the main menu and suggesting that I visit their web site at double you-double you-double you-dot-eff-tee-dee-dot-com. So I send a couple e-mails through their online form (and am particularly proud of myself for closing each mail with "I will have minimal patience for obfuscation and/ or excuses") and demand my money back.

Wednesday passes. No flowers, no word from FTD.com. Nothing. I'm looking like a very lousy significant other.

Thursday passes. Still nothing. Oh wait. Not exactly nothing. If the customer service department was still a little swamped, their outbound e-mail marketing program/ vendor was in fine form. In fact, they actually sent me a deliciously ironic promotional e-mail that afternoon, asking me if I "forgot Valentine's Day" and promising deep discounts on leftover flowers.

Ummm, no comma jerkfaces. I didn't forget Valentine's Day; you jokers did.

Finally on Friday I received a customer service reply to my complaint. They apologize for missing the delivery and asked if I would take delivery that day; they would even throw in some extra flowers.

Wrong again, FTD! I would like all of my money back, stat. So I call the customer service number in the mail (there was no reply-to address), expecting to yell at some hopeless soul in a windowless call center on the subcontinent. I suppose I could have followed through with said yelling had the recording not scared me off with a very intimidating "estimated 60 minutes of wait time." Sixty minutes? Fine, I'll send another flame mail (which, after a fashion, also included my now-signature "I will have minimal patience for obfuscation and/ or excuses" line) in which I refuse their offer, demand my money back, and assure them that I'll never shop with them again.

The weekend passes. Nothing. Though I do receive two (2) additional promotional e-mails from FTD.com. This is me shaking my head ruefully.

Finally, on Tuesday morning (that would be today), they finally reply. I'm getting my money back, plus an additional (wait for it) fifteen whole American dollars in FTD.com credit for my troubles! Oh, they are but so generous!

As some chastising friends reminded me on Saturday night, I should have just called a local florist. Yup. That's what I'll do next time.

Note: been a little radio silent of late. Lots going on here, but I should have a few more posts in the next couple days. Might be some other changes as well. We shall see.

Posted by thatkid at February 20, 2007 12:23 PM under Biznass , Stuff To Buy , ThatKid

Comments

Posted by: bradglory at March 3, 2007 11:58 AM

Posted by: thegeneral at March 5, 2007 4:28 PM

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